Slice of Lucy: What Do You See?

A parent's main job, after providing basic needs and unconditional love, is to figure out who their kid is. If we know our kid as well as anyone can know another, we can advocate for them, seek opportunities, and even protect them. 

My son is his own person and has never fit neatly into a standard box. I love this about him, but sometimes, it is challenging to understand where he is coming from and what is driving him. About five years ago, I had a real breakthrough moment with him. We were driving along a residential street after a big snowstorm. I gestured and commented on the expansive front lawns of the houses we were passing: 

"Wow, would you look at that!"

My son replied, "Yeah, it's gross."

"Wait, what?"

"It's so dirty, almost black."

For a moment, I could not figure out what he meant. I kept processing all of the details until I saw what he saw, the narrow stripe of dirty, plowed snow at the edge of the street. 

"That's what you see?"

"Uh, yeah."

What I saw from the same window of the same car at the same moment was the blanket of pristine, newfallen snow to the right of that dirty edge. In fact, my mind did not even register the dirty snow until I worked to see what my son was seeing.

"Yeah," I acknowledged, "I see that dirty snow. Do you see all of the pretty white snow past that?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Now, whenever I am not 'getting' my kid, I look for the dirty snow, and I admit that I try to help him see the beautiful snow. We're both right, of course.

Fast forward to today...My son and I were hiking the south rim of the Grand Canyon. I kept stopping every few minutes to breathe in the view and try to capture some sliver of its greatness with my camera. Completely exasperated, my son finally exclaimed, "Geez, Mom, it's just a hole!" 

I felt disappointed. I tried to impress him by explaining that the Grand Canyon is one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. He replied sardonically, "It's a wonder-full hole." That's when I laughed, and for the next few miles, we competed to come up with the best 'hole' jokes.  In that moment, I could see clearly that my son, even though he did not have the same motivation as I, had chosen to take a hike with his mother, and I am wholly grateful.